So as of last semester and even yesterday I was DONE with orchestra at Hofstra. Dr. Ramael had really hurt and I had felt disrespected me. But a “nice guy” (as he put it) at Hofstra told me there is way too much drama in our department…and its true. Thinking about it, I realized that he is soooo right. There is way too much of it. Were musicians not actors. Drama is NOT out life and we shouldn’t make it a part of it. We are the future teachers of the world, drama doesn’t bode well with our future bosses. So now thinking about my situation, I realized something a bit more near and dear to my own life; Ramael was NOT out to get me. He did not do what he did purposefully to hurt me, nor did he know that it hurt me. I as an adult did not speak up to him and tell him how i felt. If he knew he probably would have apologized or even corrected it. So today I feel that I grew up a bit. I took a step in the right direction. I told myself, MUSIC not DRAMA is my life and I want all aspects of drama out of my life. I picked myself and my violin up today and I went to orchestra. Not only that, but I actually had a conversation with him. He’s not a bad guy and his goal is not to hurt me. In response, I had a great rehearsal. I was able to sight read the music and I felt that I was actually making some sort of music out of it.

I have a new found respect for myself and my playing. I know I’m not the best player, and I don’t need to be, but I know that I can play and that is all I want to accomplish.

Thank you to the “nice guy” that helped me realize this. Maybe starting today I will have a little more confidence in myself.